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  | THE COUNTRY AS DESCRIBED BY THE ONION |  
   
 
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    April 11, 1951: Truman relieves this man of his commands in the Far East | 
    MacArthur
 
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    | Beach Boys Brian, Carl & Dennis | 
    Wilson
 
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    | In 2009 Miep Gies, who, with her husband, hid this girl & her family during WWII, celebrated her 100th birthday | 
    Anne Frank
 
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    | This Central American country is "a shortcut with its own national anthem" | 
    Panama
 
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    | In "Crystal Skull" Indiana Jones gets stuck in this, which can't really pull you under to your death | 
    quicksand
 
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    Sept. 26, 1971: This man meets with President Nixon, the first meeting of a Japanese emperor & a U.S. president | 
    Hirohito
 
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    | Actor Samuel L. & country singer Alan | 
    Jackson
 
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    | This comedian celebrated his 100th birthday in 2003; his widow Dolores blew out 100 candles in 2009 | 
    (Ashok: Who is George Carlin?)
  Bob Hope
 
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    | The official language of this country is "English (kind of)" & crime-wise, there are "rising incidents of monslaughter" | 
    Jamaica
 
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    | If you're "in" this, like Little Jack Horner, there's no place you can go | 
    the corner
 
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    | This type of government is mentioned in the Pledge of Allegiance | 
    a republic
 
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    May 6, 1981: She wins a competition to design the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C. | 
    Maya Lin
 
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    | Pitcher Randy & actor Dwayne | 
    Johnson
 
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    | In 1995 this matriarch died in Hyannis Port at the age of 104 | 
    Rose Kennedy
 
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    | This country represents 25% of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young & it boasts "a warm, cold people" | 
    Canada
 
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    | To deal with this clothing problem, try rubbing a pencil lead on the teeth | 
    a stuck zipper
 
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    | Headaches & nausea may accompany this injury to the brain, often caused by a jarring blow to the head | 
    a concussion
 
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    May 24, 1941: HMS Hood is sunk by this German battleship; May 27, 1941: This German battleship is torpedoed & sunk | 
    the Bismarck
 
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    | Actress Brooke & writer Alice | 
    Adams
 
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    | In December 2002 this senator celebrated his 100th birthday with a party on Capitol Hill | 
    (Ashok: Who is Sharpton?) (Alex: Pardon?) (Ashok: Who is Al Sharpton?)
  Strom Thurmond
 
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    | "Nearly 15 feet wide", this nation's been "preventing Argentina from enjoying the Pacific Ocean since 1818" | 
    Chile
 
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    | Running this on a stuck jar lid may help: the metal lid will expand while the glass jar won't | 
    hot water
 
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    | It can mean ability, the powers of the mind, or a school's teaching staff | 
    faculty
 
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    January 10, 1931: The Prince of Wales meets this American woman; they get married some 6 years later | 
    Wallis Simpson
 
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    | Singer Rita & "Valley Girl" director Martha | 
    Coolidge
 
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    | New York socialite & philanthropist Brooke, whose husband Vincent was an heir to this family's fortune, died in 2007 at 105 | 
    Astor
 
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    | It "came under control of its lemur population in 1965, when the... prosimians gained a majority... in the national senate" | 
    Madagascar
 
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    | A frustrated driver stuck in snow does this 3-word phrase; it means to expend effort with no result | 
    (Ben: What is spin one's tires--spin the tires?)
  spinning your wheels
 
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    | This device is used in an internal-combustion engine to produce an explosive mixture of vaporized fuel & air | 
    a carburetor
 
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